I Will Milk the Cows and Move On Thusly

a review of Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks

As if I realized I forgot my mask halfway to the grocery store, I’m baaaaack! First off, honorable mention to Chicago Public Library for acting with unforeseen compassion and extending this book’s return date twice. Every time I tried to finish this book, I put it down to read Nate Cohn’s analysis on the new round of sunbelt state polling. The woman on the book’s front cover eyed me as if to say “You have no control over this situation, you beautiful little fool.” I know she is right but still, I search “early voting” just to see if Ohio Democrats are energized. Suddenly it’s 4:45 pm and another day has slipped from my grasp like a well-greased hog. Life is a precious flower and I am acid rain! 

Anna Frith is a sturdy protagonist. Awful things happen to her and she’s just like: “My two sons died :( But it is has been an hour since so I will milk the cows and move on thusly.” Meanwhile, I read a sad article and I’m like: something bad happened to someone once, so for the rest of the week I can only sleep.” That’s probably why Anna Frith has sheep and I don’t. Anna lives in a croft (unclear what that means, can only picture a mound of dirt with a door) in a village stricken by the plague. Everyone’s dying and no one knows why, so they decide to lock down the village.

Tensions run high because everyone’s sick of dying and not having enough sex. The townspeople kill the old woman with useful herbs because society hates women, useful herbs, and old people in that order. The only thing holding the folks back from utter chaos is the village Rector, Michael Mompellion, who’s name sounds like an $85,000 watch. He seems like a nice guy but ultimately, like so many nice guys before him, he is a gaslighter of epic proportions. After they bone, Anna learns he never had sex with his wife (now dead from fatal stabbing… long story) because he condemned her lust and ladled out a life of celibacy as her atonement. 

In desperate times, we learn about skills we never knew we had. For example, I can spend 6 hours on my phone and make chocolate babka. Anna Frith learns if she can midwife a sheep, she can midwife a human, which is honestly my vibe in every job interview I’ve ever had. This book confirms the idea that “not dying” should be on everyone’s resume because it is really quite a feat.

Much like my new journal, Year of Wonders a plague story rife with witchcraft, blighted romance, and drunkards. I avoid historical fiction because I think it’s corny, but the medievals are my weak spot because I admire their pragmatism and think it’s funny that everyone smelled terrible and made peace with it. I’ve been to more mock medieval villages than I’d like to admit; I’ve done my research. Every medieval person deserves a medal for living through a miserable time when the most popular song was bald monks humming.