Yejide Knows For Certain That Polygamy Isn’t for Her; The Jalapeño Poppers are Enough.

a review of Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo

I may look like a nice girl, but I’m actually a sour green monster teeming with envy! Not all the time, but often enough that it makes me uncomfortable. Keep your greed, lust, sloth, pride, wrath and gluttony (kind of) and let me drink bubbling green slime with Envy at a table set for two. Jealousy and Envy are not the same thing; envy is when you want someone’s strawberry buttermilk donut, jealousy is when you want someone’s strawberry buttermilk donut so badly that you toss it into the dirt like a caloric frisbee so that they cannot enjoy. Both are bad, and can manifest in equally destructive ways. Bad feelings are beautiful in their diversity.

I don’t think I would do well in a polygamous marriage situation. I should probably start with one relationship and then add from there, like a family of four ordering appetizers at Applebees. I don’t know for certain. Yejide, a protagonist in Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo, knows for certain that polygamy isn’t for her; the jalapeño poppers will be quite enough. Yejide’s husband, Akin, isn’t into polygamy either, but in the name of peacekeeping and Akin’s mother the plan moves forward. But familial and cultural forces that prioritize mothers-in-law, progeny, and patriarchy mean that her desires are sidelined. Enter Funmi, wife #2.

Jealousy is a fantastic puppet master and I am a willing marionette. So is Yejide, I think. She’s gripped by jealousy and beholden to her past, having grown up without her own biological mother. Yejide and Akin have trouble conceiving--enter Funmi, Akin’s second wife. The book is really sad in a way that’s like… I actually can’t think about how sad this is because the sadness will take over so it’s in my best interest to withhold empathy for a mome and treat this like a story in a book (which it is).

Jealousy of a strawberry buttermilk donut is bad enough; jealousy in relationships is devastating. I’ve felt jealous at the pregame before, watching attention that I ascertain to be MINE drift and land towards someone else. The whole night takes a scripted, daytime soap bent to it: 1. I ramble insecurities to a friend, 2. brainstorm absurd hypotheticals, 3. try to insert myself in a way that is neither charming nor effective, repeat steps 1-3 until I am 4. Weeping uncontrollably in the uber home and 5. Tipping said uber accordingly for emotional damages.

Yejide suffers a rapid descent towards powerlessness. She believes she is pregnant even though she is not (ok relatable AF am. I. RIGHT. ladies????). Her family takes shape, then disintegrates. Like the bar in The Sims indicating how much we have to pee, every person has a bar above their heads indicating how much devastation they can take. When the bar becomes orange, things start breaking down. Yejide takes a pummeling in Stay With Me, but so does Akin, Dotun, and safe, fair elections (oof).

Adebayo’s writing is fantastic, her storytelling gasp-worthy, and ultimately she is only 29 and I am envious of her sense of direction and the brilliant theory and practice of her career. There! Brought things full circle. Now gimme donut.