Ghosts are too pedestrian for Armfield

a review of Salt Slow by Julia Armfield

Salt & Slow is a book of spooky stories for girls. It’s perfect for anyone self-described as “witchy” or “the ghostess with the mostess.” Julia Armfield’s work has been described as “magical realism.” She sits at the proverbial lunch table with Carmen Maria Machado (Her Body and other Stories) and Kristen Roupenian (“Cat Person,” You Know You Want This). Armfield’s work asks the question: “What if life were more scary?” to which I say “no thank you mood.”

Fantasy has no appeal for me, and that’s why I’ve only kind of read one Harry Potter book. I don’t want to be cursed, enchanted, bewitched etc. I just want normal-style good things to happen to me and literally everyone else (except for M*tch McC*nnell).

Two paths diverged in a wood, and I--took the path less spooky. Nonetheless, the supernatural is terrible at respecting boundaries. In March PC (pre-covid), I was home alone. It was not sexy or cheeky but rather quite lame that I at 24-years old am afraid of empty rooms. I came home on Friday, unlocked the door, put down a case of key lime la croix (most embarrassing of all), and saw the fireplace was on. “Uh… ok,” I said aloud, turning off the fireplace. “I just came home and the fireplace was on,” I said to my absentee parents.

“Did you turn it on,” asked my Dad.

“Obviously not,” I said.

“Maybe you sat on the remote,” he said. “TRUST WOMEN!” sang a Hercules-style Greek chorus.

No one had been in the house. Who turned on the fireplace, you ask? A hygge-ass ghost.

I like that multiple worlds exist simultaneously within Salt Slow. In one story, masses of people can no longer sleep and lug around a “sleep” with them at all times, a mischievous being of indeterminate corporeality that I think looks like a minion.* Ghosts are too pedestrian for Armfield.

Here’s to Spooky Women (and Hygge Ghosts)--may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them (?).

*Has there been a study on the morality of minions? Note to self.